5 COMMUNICATION TIPS

The list below is one I believe everyone can benefit from, myself included. Nobody is consistent with delivering great communication 100% of the time, so, here are some tips you might find useful!

⦁ Before having a conversation [especially if you want to raise a particular matter] with anyone, make sure your knowledge about the subject is on point and you're equipped with the relevant information and experience, [think about this for a few minutes based on the conversations you've had in recent months] as this can make all the difference. In most cases, to speculate, assume, pretend to know [when you really don't], or to lack the necessary understanding is likely to cause the type of problems you may not be able to rectify. 

⦁ Where possible, talk it through with yourself first. Is it a conversation you need to have? There are times when it will later be realised that the circumstances have only been made worse by sharing something you ought to have just acted on, or left alone.

⦁ Know the place you're coming from because, if you genuinely care and the aim is to simply demonstrate that, you're more likely to remain calm, positive, reasonable, patient, responsible with both your words and temperament and, most importantly, you will be respectfully honest, all of which will enable you to see things from both perspectives.

⦁ Make sure you listen to hear and understand not just to respond with whatever it is you're thinking, feeling, or believe! One of the quickest ways to find ourselves in an argument, or dealing with unwanted confrontation, is to talk at someone [instead of speaking to them] which can easily come off as rude and disrespectful because, maybe without noticing, we disregard the other persons views on the subject whereby, the focus is ourselves and the points we want to make. This can show a complete lack of respect and ignorance.

⦁ Don't front about anything being discussed! No level of stubbornness makes a winner!! It is more than okay to state that you need clarity, or that you just do not get where the other person is coming from. Better to have the whole picture than just a frame!

Above all, [try to] have an open mind, be willing to reason, compromise and take the time to really try and see the other point of view. The goal should be to learn something and that can only be done by listening and being patient. You do not want to lose it, especially over something that may not even be a 'big deal'! Not everyone can forgive what may transpire once tension begins to build. Try, no matter what, to stay relaxed.

Thanks for reading.

Random Fact > People who are great talkers, but, poor listeners really frustrate me, especially those who are reluctant to hear, or who rudely dismiss anything they don't agree with. Inevitably, such behaviour will cause us to experience some type of fallout! 

THE MAN FOR ME...

He is loyal [of course], compassionate, patient and understanding.
He is that Roger and Stewie kind of funny [just with a cleaner sense of humour].
He is taller than me [the inches do not matter, lol] and he gives me great hugs, willingly!
He is a gentleman who opens doors, including car doors, because, chivalry is his thing too.

He is proud of what he has overcome and sensitive towards where he is going.
He is unashamedly confident in all that he is, yet humble about what he plans to be.
He is responsible, open-minded, positively driven, brave, outgoing and likes to travel.
He is not interested in pursuing any other woman because, he values all that he has with me.

He takes pride in his appearance and in his home however, he is not arrogant, nor filled with vanity. He is honest, but,
he is careful not to offend.

He is fiercely protective of what we have. He is private and doesn't like for everyone to know his business. He is very selective about the company he keeps and the invitations he accepts. He is against violence, but not afraid to physically defend if he believes it is the only option.

He is a talker, but, he is not about hype, or drama.
He is a people-person, but, he is not a people-pleaser.
He is a believer in learning from his past mistakes, not being held back by them.
He is fully invested and committed, not because it's his duty, but, because, he isn't afraid to fall.

I'm excited to meet him!

Thanks for reading.

Random Fact > I tend to attract men who are several years my junior, no idea why! Where are men age 35+ hiding?

ARE YOU LONELY?

I find it really interesting that the things we are ill affected by the most are the very subjects we tend to 'shy' away from speaking openly about when, in actual fact, because, there are so many people who can relate to those particular things than we maybe realise, having an open, candid discussion could prove to be the exact encouragement any of us need.

Here's the thing: there's often a misconception that nobody who has a family, lots of friends, an active lifestyle, a partner, hobbies, money and who appears to have their life in order [whatever that might mean to you] can ever feel alone, or lonely and, in my opinion, such a belief is ignorant.

Several years ago, despite being in a great place, I mostly felt disconnected from the people around me and the things I was involved with [work, freelance projects, parties, events, etc]. The reason I would sometimes feel that way, I later discovered, was due to a lack of common, or genuine ground. It's possible to be surrounded by many, but, at the same time feel that you're entirely by yourself.

Loneliness is due to having a lack of, or no emotional, connections [be that as a result of a past experience that has you with your guard up, or others finding that they do not want to, or just cannot connect with you based on their own personal issue's, or having had conflict with you]. The physical impact of that is being alone. It's important to understand the difference because, although both are very serious and go hand in hand, in my experience, they cannot necessarily be resolved in the same way.

When a person feels lonely they may seek validation, comfort, attention and also judge their sense of worth, or importance, in the wrong places, in the wrong way, or from the wrong people, which can lead to anything from [deeper] feelings of rejection, promiscuity [and the subsequent shame, or other consequences that can follow unsafe / carefree sexual activity], aggressive behaviour, or even suicidal thoughts.

If you know that you feel lonely, or are alone, you can, if you choose, improve your situation, whether you have trusted loved ones within reach or not! There are a number of social groups, health advisors and charities that offer free advice which are **available to you regardless of your age, race, gender, religion, background, etc. Help yourself by seeking out those opportunities to share your thoughts and feelings via the avenues specifically in place to provide you with that type of support.

You need not feel embarrassed nor ashamed to contact these organisations, but, should you, try to begin tackling the problem by noting down why you're feeling lonely / alone. Have you fallen out with people? Can you resolve the issue between yourselves? Did you drop your closest loved ones from your life? If so, why and can you fix things with them? Is the problem work related? What can be done about it? Be brutally honest with yourself! While sometimes those who were [or who are currently around you] might have caused you to feel lonely / alone [maybe they pushed you away for whatever reason], there are times when you will need to take sole responsibility and start by taking a closer look at yourself.

Perhaps your situation is not about shutting people out of your life, or having been shut out of the lives of others and doesn't have anything to do with someone else, a job, or your household. If that's the case, take a good look at all other areas / aspects of your life and note down what you feel / believe is missing, or lacking and be truthful about the reasons [possible reasons] why. Resolving the issue of loneliness, or being alone, could be as simple as making the choice to stop focusing on what is lacking and instead focus on everything that is going well for you. 

Whatever your story and however you choose to deal, do not give up on yourself; your present, nor your future. Know that your life is valuable and of great worth! Do everything you can, responsibly and within reason, to overcome this hurdle. You might be feeling lonely, but, you are not alone x

** Click here for further support.

Thanks for reading.
PREVIOUS POST - What A Time To Be Homeless
You can find audio versions of my blog posts on my SoundCloud page here. 

Random Fact > I now advocate speaking out, however, for years I didn't tell anyone about any hardship, or struggle I might have been facing, because, I had way too much pride and ego which was a huge downfall. 

WHAT A TIME TO BE HOMELESS!

I'm affected by so much more than I actually share, but, I think that's about to change because, these days [with all that is going on in the world - the ill reign of Trump, the Brexit saga, poverty, knife crime, child abuse, etc.], there's less and less joy in my heart. It actually aches... 

Image owned by Moses Adeyemi

Personal Trainer and Well-Being Coach Moses Adeyemi who triumphantly won the popular Channel 4 Series 'SAS: Who Dares Wins', 2016, took to the streets of London recently to live homeless in a passionate bid to raise awareness of the shocking numbers of people without a home. In a short video uploaded to YouTube, respectfully edited, Moses depicted the severity of this problem in the heart of a capital often believed to offer a better way of life.

As I watched the video, which introduces the viewer to a number of people living rough; some on drugs, with disabilities, others battling mental health issue's, etc., I went through every emotion, I really did. Albeit keen to support the charitable efforts of Moses, I quickly became angry and felt enraged, frustrated, confused, helpless, teary and all other feelings in between. How on earth is this life for some people in England, London?

The footage I saw tugged aggressively at my heart strings. "What more can we, the 'little people' do? How can we help those below the poverty line?", I asked myself. Knowing about and seeing homelessness has somehow become the norm in a country so ridiculously wealthy; I struggle to comprehend how so many can be without a home and a regular income, especially in this day and age.

Campaigns for equal pay make the news [rightly so] and are successful. Campaigns to find someone's camera that was lost at sea go viral. Campaigns to boost the Instagram page of an 'aspiring model' are answered. Campaigns to remedy a growing crisis such as homelessness? Slowly, slowly, or not at all.

Poverty is on the increase and I believe this contributes massively to a rise in suicide rates [notably amongst men] and notoriously violent crimes. Money is unequally distributed and, in my opinion, that is not at all justified and so, while the rich get richer, the poor lose their homes, end up on the streets and are subject to the most horrid depravity one can imagine. 

I'm fed up with it! The state of this country; the UK, needs a team of dedicated and compassionate government officials who are well equipped with the necessary skills and resources to appropriately tackle and positively remedy the growing number of problems that continue to have such a grave impact on its citizens, primarily those already considered vulnerable! England is an extremely wealthy country, it never runs out of fuel, food, water, nor money! Nobody should ever have to experience a day, week, month, or years without a roof over their heads, hot water, heating, sanitary products, food, or anything else that every human needs to survive!! The fact that there is such a thing as "the rich" and "the poor" in itself is tragic! 

In the video, titled 'Homeless in Central', one of the people interviewed by Moses says that he "just wants a job". Where are the open doors and opportunities for this individual? It is so apparent that not everyone in a desperate situation is there by choice, or through a fault of their own. Some people are manipulated in a way that has them lose everything before they even realise it, others are abandoned, or neglected, kicked out of the family home with no other options... Think outside the nonsense we're often fed by the media, the inexperienced and the ignorant. NOT EVERY HOMELESS PERSON WAS ABLE TO CHOOSE, OR CHANGE THE CIRCUMSTANCES THAT LED TO THEM BEING ON THE STREET and getting off the streets isn't as easy as many tend to think even with all of the services, organisations and individuals who do their part to support and help those without a home. While some of those living rough, having exhausted all available options, or not knowing of any options and without support, give in to their awful situation often turning to drugs [which sometimes comes at a much higher price than that of a financial one], there are many who try [to the absolute best of their ability] to improve their situation.

Watch the video

No fixed abode = no job. No job = no decent income. No decent income = no fixed abode. No support, or help; not being given a chance, means the cycle continues until death!!!!

It's incredibly unfair when you consider what some people are paid to do certain jobs in comparison to the amount one homeless person needs to get back on their feet. If I could rid the world of all poverty I'd do so in less than a heartbeat.

Thanks for reading.
PREVIOUS POST - I Am Not Ashamed To Admit This
You can find audio versions of my blog posts on my SoundCloud page here. 

Random Fact > About 12 years ago, I was homeless [for a very short period of time] before finding refuge at a YMCA where rent was low and 2 meals a day were included, as well as use of the on site gym, computers and support to find work. The facilities were decent [all things considered], however, living there was a constant nightmare and I hardly slept during my 6 months stay!