How or why is it that so
many singletons feel they can best advise those in a relationship? Is it because:
a) They are experts
through experience who have yet to meet The One?
b) Their failed
relationships have them reluctant to try again but, they want others to find
love?
c) The standards they have
make it challenging for them to find a match but great at advising others?
Here’s the thing: It’s
probably all of the above and so much more! We each know what we want, like, enjoy and equally what we do not want, dislike and absolutely loathe.
However, when we are the outsider looking in it’s always far easier to asses a
situation with an open mind and use logic in deciding how best to tackle it.
When the issue is ours to resolve it can be far more difficult to remove the
ill feelings associated and so decisions are often made through irrational
thinking which mainly stems from anger or frustration.
To be successful does not
have one definition. How can it when there are so many of us in the world each
with our own ideas and understanding of what we feel or believe success to be;
especially where love is concerned?
Being single is great
until it isn’t. Don’t front and tell me different…. *rolls eyes* I would not
believe anyone who told me that they have been happily single for years
because, it is natural to gravitate towards one another. We instinctively find certain people
attractive (in some form or other) and in choosing to make a connection with those individuals, organically, feelings will develop – be that in favour or
not. But, what is the fundamental difference between the couples who are able
to go the distance and those who ‘flop’ within 3 months or 3 years, or even 13?
Personally,
(no, I’m not an expert but) I think it all comes down to 5 key things which I
myself try to employ:
1) Consistency – to become
complacent is to become disconnected. Maintain the investment (I'm talking about the efforts made to get and secure your partner) that you contributed at the
start / the early days to keep both yourself and your partner on your toes.
2) Communication – done
effectively you are less likely to go wrong and will always know where you
stand with one another plus, you’ll also not have to question trust!
3) COMPROMISE with Understanding
– learning the ways of your partner; allowing space for them to be their
true self around you and giving them room to grow is beneficial to you both. There's nothing worse than the person you have chosen to commit to, warts and all, trying to change you! The difference between wanting to help someone improve and seeking to rid them of what makes them who they are is mahoosive!! REAL TALK!
4) Acceptance (within
reason) - the differences between the two of you should be celebrated, appreciated
and respected. After all, apparently, opposites attract ;)
5) Loyalty – this goes
beyond a physical commitment; it’s about mutual honesty and making the choice
to abstain from doing all things which you know you yourself would regard as
being disloyal if your partner were to do the same, such as speaking to or
seeing ex partners, overly flirtatious behaviour with others, even dressing
inappropriately to give off certain signals etc.
In the past I’ve listened
to some friends complain that their partners don’t do what they’re supposed to
do or, that they were fed up of being the one making the relationship work and
on one too many occasions I would hear the classic, “If they don’t make the
changes I have told them to I’m done”… I myself have been guilty of such. At
what point do we learn from our mistakes and go forward applying the lessons
learned? The years are not slowing down…
I guess, in conclusion,
what works for one couple may not work for another and so, at the end of the
day, it really is a case of: each to their own. So we feel, so we do and so we
do is what will be. That said, if your love for someone is so deep that they sit on each one of your nerves (you know when someone presses every button – good and bad? – except
where the bad outweighs the good, of course) perhaps you are indeed meant to
be with them however, it might be you who needs to reflect, reassess and work on
improving certain things about yourself!
Surely we all want a real, long
term, genuine, passionate, respectful, trustworthy, fun, exciting, happy
relationship and, I think, when you’re single you sometimes project that
through giving couples the advise you hope to be able to practice yourself (when you feel you have finally met The One) having become a better person and that is perhaps why singletons give the "best" advice ;)
ALL IMAGES TAKEN FROM GOOGLE